Friday, July 15. Do or die day for the Vipassana retreat. In full rain gear I walk to the chai shop next to the Vipassana center. Song Mi is there with her friend who is going into the 10 day course. They share a farewell meal together and I stopped to join them for a bit. Later when they get well through the waiting list my number is called. So I picked up my entry ticket and went to retrieve my pack. Said goodbye to Daniel and Yoli as they would most likely be moving on before the end of the course.
I check in at 6 pm. Fill out forms, stow your valuables and leave 200 rupee deposit for laundry (5rps per piece of laundry. At least it's a cheap place to have laundry done!).Got my sheets, found my bed, made it and then went off to dinner. Basic Indian food:Rice, curry veggie, dal and chai.
There about 90 students, a even split between male and female. Additionally there is the head male teacher, a head female teacher, 1 monk, 3 nuns and a handful of Dharma workers voluteering there time. At 7pm we are given an introductory meeting and at 8pm is our first meditation. Noble Silence has taken effect so no more talking for the next 10 days with the exception of questions for the teacher or management.The meditation starts with a 1/2 hour video of S.N. Goenka, founder of the Vipassana Meditation Centers, explaining what the course is and isn't and what we are getting into.
Then he introduces the stundents to the Anapanna meditation technique. In short, awareness of breath with particular focus on the sensations in the area of the upper lip and nose. We worked on that for about 30 minutes, then I brushed my teeth and layed down in a very uncomfortable cot for the night. Or at least some of it, until our early wake bell.
For the record here is the schedule:
4am Morning Bell
4:30-6:30 Hall Meditation
6:30-8 Breakfast (typically an oatmeal/porridge thing with chai.)
8-9am Group Meditation
9-11am Hall Meditation
11-12 Lunch (Our main meal)
12-1pm Rest/interviews with teacher
1-2:30pm Hall Meditation
2:30-3:30 Group Meditation
3:30-5pm Hall Meditation
5-6pm Tea Break (New students get puffed rice)
6-7pm Group Meditation
7-8:30 Teacher's Discourse (Geonka video)
8:30-9pm Group Meaditation
9-9:30 Question the teacher/Retire
There is ~5 minutes to walk/stretch/piss between meditations. Besides shit and shower, that is all you do. In many ways it is stricter than prison!
Vipassana Day I
Fell asleep around 1am. Up at 4am. The first day we just practice Anapanna. A bit uncomfortable sitting all those hours, but I'm sure we will all get used to it.
Vipassana Day II
Tossed and turned again last night. Finally fell asleep ~2am. All day we continue with the Anapanna. Really didn't feel tired although I was a little bored. I have been practicing Anapanna for about two years now so I'm anxious to move onto something new.
Vipassana Day III
All Anapanna, All Day, Again!! Now I'm really not concentrated and I start to wonder about this course. Another distraction is the fact that all the meditations start with a tape Goenka chanting in Pali/Hindu. It's supposed to open the chakras, but it's just kind of annoying to me, especially the way he trails off each line sounding like a sputtering geiger counter. Then he gives a long set of instructions in Hindu and wraps it off with about 10 seconds of instructions in English. Very difficult to concentrate through all of that. One bright spot though is that we learn that tomorrow we actually will begin the Vipassana Technique!
Vipassana Day IV
I awake very excited to start the new technique, but at first light we discover that we will have to wait until 3pm to begin. So I work through the Anapanna for a few more hours and then we are taught Vipassana Technique. With complete equanimity we observe our bodily sensations with a calm mind. Do not desire for pleasant sensations. Do not have aversion towards the unpleasant sensations. Scan the whole body, head to toe, but don't get stuck on the gross sensations. The idea is to discover your more and more subtle sensations which the unconcious mind is constantly aware of, but that the concious mind never realizes.
Buddha's theory and unique gift to the world is that we don't actually react directly to our thoughts and ideas as most people assume. In fact, out thoughts, ideas, feelings create hither-to unknown subtle physical sensations which is what we actually react to without even knowing the process is happening. Unfortunately, these sensations and the way we react unconciously are totally based on past experience. Conditioned experience. Deluded experience and reactions, since they aren't based on the current reality.
So by meditating on these sensations with equanimity, understanding their impermanance (Anicca) as well as their insubstantability we stop supplying the current sensations with fuel. Like someone knocking on your door, if you don't pay them attention they will evertually pass away as all things do. This makes way for older stores of sensations to arise. Again through the meditation we starve them and they burn themselves out.
Eventually, working on more and more subtle sensations we develop true wisdom (Panna) through directly experiencing the only reality we can truly know: our mind/body field. One can stop reacting blindly and cleanse themselves of the their mental defilements.
Vipassana Day V
Happy to practice now, I work hard although the unpleasant gross sensations (Back & Knees) are certainly a challenge. Particularly since during the 3 seperate one hour group meditations we are supposed to maintain our pose without any movement. But by remaining equanimious, their impermenance is realized and I can feel them abating. Satisfied with my progress I go to bed, but there is a strange churning in my stomach which isn't quite right.
Vipassana Day VI
I'm definately sick! It turns out to be a day from Hell! I woke with diahreah, headache and a fever. Up until now the lack of sleep hasn't really affected me, but now I know it's going to come back to haunt me. To stay close to the toilet I take the morning meditation in bed. Skipped eating breakfast and rested. Cold and suffering from chills I wear felt gloves, my hoody pulled over my head and a blanket wrapped around me for the group sitting, but still experience prolonged shivering. I'm truly miserable, but trying my best to remain equanimous! Skipped lunch and rested some more. Tried to take another meditation in bed, but the young Indian Dharma worker told me I must go to the meditation hall or I would be kicked out of the course. What Compassion!?! Now I'm carrying around a water proof stuff sack in case I vomit too. Spent the rest of the day alternating between sweats and chills with absolutely no concentration. Skipped dinner (no food today). Who needs puffed rice anyway. Now I'm suffering from dizziness and all my muscles ache from the shivering. I wonder if I can hang on?? Through the last meditations and the discourse I mostly debate what to do. Going to bed I decide that if I'm not considerably better in the morning I'll be unable to continue and leave the course.
Vipassana Day VII
Luckily I fell asleep right away last night only waking once to a bathroom trip. The sleep helped alot. I still feel I have little control and something could escape out either end at any time. But the fever has broken and my muscles seem to have recovered. Making sure to go to the bathroom right before each meditation I'm actually able to work well. All in all not a bad day. I'm even maintaining my pose for the whole hour, more or less. We go to sleep listening to fireworks going off over Dharamcot.
Vipassana Day VIII
I've stopped carrying my vomit bag, but I'm still having diahreah although it seems to be under control. It's really funny to watch all the students on break. So starved for entertainment you can watch people constantly staring at lady bugs, slugs, mushrooms, anything of even the slightest interest. My gross senssations are completely gone yet, but with a quick equanimious observation they melt away quickly. Took some food today. Getting a little wary of the intense schedule.
Vipassana Day IX
Still have mild stomach problems. I work, but I'm definately quite bored and my concentration and effort suffer for it. It's been a rough time for me and now that I know the technique I just want to go practice on my own without the rigors of the course.
Vipassana Day X
Today things change up a bit. In the morning, to give a little something back we are taught Metta Bhavana. Meditation sending out compassion and Love and general good will. And after that Noble Silence is lifted. It's strange to talk again. Finally get to say hello to my roomate, Diego (Portagul). Small groups of the students now congregate in the common areas. Mostly grouped by their repsective languages. After introductions we all discuss our experiences right through a rather loud lunch. Had a nice conversation with Chris (VT) and we had similar takes on the course. At 1pm we were interupted from our orating orgy to watch the movie "Doing Time, Doing Vipassana (may be available in the US). Afterwards more meditation, more talking, dinner, more meditation, discourse and more talking right until lights out at 10pm.
Vipassana Day XI
Independance Day. Up at 4am for a meditation followed by breakfast. Our last deed is to help clean up. I get kitchen duty. To the belly of the beast that bit me. After about an hour I was furlowed. With the sweet smell of freedom on my now highly sensitized nostrils I took a deep breath and made the short walk back to the Shanti house to secure a room. Shortly thereafter I was enjoying a real breakfast once again at The Sunflower Cafe. Around 9am I met Ofer (Israeli with an American accent), from the retreat, at the Trek & Dine. There we savored all the delicacies we were denied over the past 10 days. Enjoying food, sipping cokes, smoking, playing backgammon, talking surf and we even watched "The Last Samuri" finally calling it a night at 1am.
My Critique on Goenka's Vipassana Course
Ok. Right off the bat let me say that I really like the Vipassana Technique. I think it makes complete sense and works with practice. However, with regard to the Goenka Course, I think that it is seriously flawed.
It's meant to be an introductory course, but it feels like a Masters course. The length and the intensity is couterproductive. Buddha taught the Vipassana as a Universal technique for the benefit of all. Additionally he taught a person in a few minutes and then set them about to practice on their own. I don't ever recall reading an instance when Buddha taught on the condition that the student live and practice as a monk for 10 days.
The technique is actually very simple. It isn't as much learned as it is practiced. Years, decades, lifetimes of practice. Unless you are already on the karmic cusp of Buddhahood 10 days will not bring enlightentment.
In fact, I believe the intensity is harmful. First; only the strong willed and determined will succesfully work thru the course. Conversly, the weaker minds who have the most need and the most to be gained are left out in the cold. Not true Dhamma! Also there is the burnout factor which helps breed a certain amount of disdain. Secondly; Vipassana should reach or at least be accessible to everyone. Ten days is very time prohibative for MOST everyday people.
In addition to aforementioned distracting audio tapes, the video discourses talk a little about how the course is not sectarian, a rite or a ritual. They do however want you to practice 2 hours everyday, do 1 ten day retreat every year, and oh yeah: if you haven't completed the course you are not welcome to meditate at their meditation hall. The Orwellian Doublespeak can not camoflouge the apparent sectarian rituals.
So I really don't believe a person would need more than some coaching from another who knows the technique to effectively practice Vipassana. And once again let me reiteriate that I like the technique. Just not the course. But Hell, some people even really enjoy the course. To each his own.
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